So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
