If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
