You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
