We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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