I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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