OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My feet surprised me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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