it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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