When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
