Quick, to the slutcave!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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