yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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