Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
