Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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