i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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