I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You took a bar mat shot.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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