Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
