your thong is hanging out like whoa
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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