I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
