All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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