I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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