why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
