Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
