goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
