I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
