I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
