Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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