he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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