I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
