Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
