i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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