I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
