k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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