oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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