I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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