Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
