every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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