happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
