Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
