Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
