the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
