i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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