If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
