Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
