I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
