You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
