i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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