So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
