on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
