I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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