Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
