jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
