It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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